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Today in Castle News:

The thing you need to understand about today’s Zillow find is that it was built in 2010 in the United States of America. Two full years into the financial crisis, these people decided that what they needed was a MOAT.

It looks like the part of Disney you aren’t supposed to see, like there should be dumpsters of half-consumed turkey legs and a Mickey Mouse holding his own head in his hands, chugging bottled water. […]

It’s called Chrismark Castle because… it’s owned by Christopher Mark, the great-grandson of a Chicago steel tycoon. (Boostraps!)

It took seven years and $4.1 million to build, but went on sale for $45 million, now down to an affordable $35 million.

He had barely moved in w his wife and children when she filed for divorce. So he moved his pregnant girlfriend (oh) and her daughter in instead. Then SHE left him, and there was a big court case for more child support.

And here’s our protagonist, eating dinner alone, too sad even to put food on his plate or light his candle.

He’s been trying to sell the place since 2014. In that time, he’s tried turning it into a modeling studio (uhhh), a wedding venue, and an exotic animal refuge.

During the lawsuit over child support for the girlfriend (he’d been paying $1k a month), both alleged that the other was responsible for the starvation death of a camel.

Anyway, I will leave you with the world’s most uncomfortable hand chair, the fact that there is a navy fighter jet on the property, and yes there IS a dungeon (can’t find pictures), and also nearby Hartford, CT has a poverty rate of over 30%.

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.